Crossing the Invisible Line
by parmakai66
Summary: JAGNCIS crossover. Everybody has neighbors. Some that keep to themselves and others that get all up in your business. But when it is acceptable to meddle and when should you look the other way?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of JAG or NCIS, so no infringement intended.

A/N: This story takes place in the "unaccounted for" months after JAG Season 4 and before Season 5. JAG fans learn during the first episode of Season 5 that several months had passed since Harm left JAG.

I'd like to think that our favorite characters have friends outside of work that the TV people just never talked about during the series. So in this story, I took the liberty of making Caitlin Todd and Sarah Mackenzie friends. They live in the same apartment building after all, (NCIS "Left for Dead" S1). The year is 1999. Agent Caitlin (Kate) Todd was working for the Security Service.

Crossing the Invisible Line:

"I'm calling the landlord tomorrow!" Kate Todd screamed at the top of her lungs to no one in particular and then burrowed her head under the pillow. "Am I the only person in this building that works on Monday?" She cried in frustration trying to block out the sounds coming from the next apartment. The obnoxious laughter, screaming, and the headboard banging against the wall were anything but muffled. It was becoming a regular thing. This was the fourth weekend in a row that her next-door neighbor had thrown a two-day private party without informing the neighbors. _Of course, no one else gives a shit because they don't have to share bedroom walls with them! _Kate thought ruefully as she resigned herself to sleeping in the living room again. "I'm an armed federal agent," she mumbled to herself and she pulled the comforter off the bed and walked slowly into the other room. "I have half a mind to bust in there with my gun and shoot whoever's over there getting their jollies."

She shuddered at the mental image as she crawled onto the couch and fluffed the comforter around her. "I don't even know who lives there," she said to herself. She tilted her head in thought as she tried to imagine the names on the mailboxes. _Three o one was …. McCoy, McGregor, Macfee…. _thought Kate as she stifled a yawn. _I could work up a whole profile on my neighbor! Male, obviously, in his mid thirties or forties going through his midlife crisis, substance abuser … alcohol being the drug of choice since he is in control of his faculties.. based on his antics through the wall. Lived in the building for several years as a model resident and probably feels like he's entitled to make some noise. Most likely works a low-level white-collar job or maybe even a blue-collar worker. Needs to prove himself to his partners … to show he still has it. _"Ugh," she moaned again as a screen shot of Robert De Niro from Cape Fear flashed through her mind. "Stop! One two three four five," she said softly trying to clear her mind. When that didn't work, she sat up, grabbed a woman's magazine off her coffee table, and flipped through the pages.

Loud voices in the hallway and the apartment door slamming shut woke Kate up about an hour later. "Geezus," she grumbled under her breath. "Keeping it behind closed doors isn't enough!" She rolled over on the couch and pulled the pillow over her head.

Kate Todd stood in front of the mailboxes and scanned the register for the name of the resident in apartment three o one. "Mackenzie," she mumbled aloud as she pointed at the box. "Sarah Mackenzie. Interesting."

"What's so interesting about it?" a deep female voice asked from behind her.

Kate turned around and looked at the woman standing there. _A marine? My neighbor is a woman and a marine? _Kate stood frozen with a shocked expression on her face. The idea that the neighbor that kept her awake all night was a woman escaped her. The woman standing before her was squared away in pure Marine style, her uniform perfect, her hair tucked in high and tight … nothing like the picture that Kate had profiled from the previous nights antics.

"What's so interesting?" the woman repeated with an authoritative tone in her voice.

"You're Sarah Mackenzie?" Kate stammered trying to cover her astonishment.

"Major Mackenzie, yes, and you are?"

"Caitlin Todd," Kate replied extending her hand. "Kate for short. I'm your new neighbor in apartment three o three. The landlord told me about you. He said we would have a lot in common and should hang out."

"Oh, you're the woman that works for the Secret Service," Sarah Mackenzie replied her tone softening, lips curling into a half smile. "Yes, Mr. Chang told me about you when I paid the rent last month." She reached out and shook Kate's hand. "Sarah Mackenzie. My friend's call me Mac."

"Hi, Mac," Kate replied with a smile on her face. "You're JAG?" she asked rhetorically. The JAG insignia pin was prominently displayed on Mackenzie's lapel. "You work out of the pentagon?"

"Yes, I'm a JAG attorney," Mackenzie replied. "But I work out of the main office in Falls Church."

"Ah," Kate said casually. "I'm in the Hoover Building. Guess that rules out meeting for lunch." She shrugged her shoulders and dug a business card out of her purse. "Here's my card if you want to get together."

Mackenzie took the card and pulled her own out of her wallet as well. "Maybe we could meet for dinner this week instead," Mackenzie offered. "I need a change of pace. Don't mean to be rude, but I gotta run." She fished her car keys out of her purse and passed by Kate on her way to the parking lot.

"Good," Kate called to her. "I'll call you later." Kate caught a faint odor of stale alcohol lingering in the air by the mailboxes. She watched as Major Mackenzie got into her red corvette and pulled out of the lot. "You're not as squared away as you try to appear my dear neighbor."

Major Sarah Mackenzie fidgeted in front of the mirror. Her face was flushed and her stomach queasy as she ran a paper towel through the faucet and placed it on the back of her neck. After a moment, she felt her strength returning and tossed the towel in the trash. She winced in pain as she bumped her arm against the counter and pulled nervously at the right sleeve of her uniform jacket.

Mackenzie sighed, pushed the fabric back, and looked at her right wrist. A huge bruise covered it and extended up her arm. It was tender to the touch. She fingered it gingerly feeling the pain radiate from the damaged nerves. The sensation was oddly pleasurable and took her back to the previous nights activities. Her naughty "lil secret" with a certain dark haired co-worker was worth a bruise or too. _At least it seemed like a good idea at the time,_ she thought remorsefully. The liaison was dangerous. Mac needed to be careful, very very careful.

She pulled the sleeve back down and looked at her reflection in the mirror. _I'm in control, _she told herself firmly. _I made it past the Secret Service agent, _she thought staring at herself. _I don't look that bad. I just feel like crap. A couple of breath mints, avoid the Admiral and before I know it, it'll be quitting time. Just take it one hour at a time. _Major Mackenzie stared at her reflection with confidence. _Coffee, I need coffee. _

She made it to sixteen hundred hours without a hitch, buried deep in paperwork in her office. A queasy stomach caused her to skip lunch and avoid any human contact with her co-workers. Except for him, that is. He came to _visit _her twice. The first was official business, signing off on court documents, the second just moments later to run interference while she yakked into her garbage can. _And like a gentleman, he even discretely tossed the liner for me, _she thought with a smirk. _Those are qualities almost worth marrying for, _she mused as she pushed the papers on her desk around aimlessly.

Commotion in the bullpen drew her attention from her desk and she stared at the junior officers standing around PO Tiner in the center of the room. As she watched the group, she caught a glimpse of him coming toward her office again. She felt a chill in her spine at the pure sight of him, his dark hair, firm jaw line, muscular biceps budging from the confines of his uniform. She reminisced on the sensation he brought out when he touch her, running his fingers through her hair, trailing his fingertips down her torso, teasing her body with just the slightest movement. She was hypnotized by the memory and didn't hear him knock on her door or enter the room.

"Do you have any documents for the file room?" he asked her casually. When she didn't respond, he called to her again. "Major?"

His voice startled her and she jumped slightly as she focused in on his face. "Wha? Lieutenant?" _He really could pass for Harm's brother, _she thought as she stared at him. Lt. Stafford was about the same age as Rabb. He had worked in the private sector as a plumber before attending law school and joining the Navy JAG corp. _Except he knows what he wants and goes after it, _Mac contemplated as she watched him.

Lieutenant j.g. Stafford started to chuckle and took the liberty of closing the door behind him. "Mac, are you okay?" he asked walking to the side of her desk.

"Ah," she mumbled shaking her head. She suddenly felt hot and a wave of nausea came over her again. She fumbled for the trashcan, pulling it from under her desk just in time to catch the fluid that she expelled from her mouth.

Stafford squatted down at the side of her desk and made it look like the Major had dropped some files. He slid the file folders in his hand around on the floor for a few seconds until her coughing stopped. "You okay?" he asked her looking up into her eyes.

"Yeah, sort of," she replied barely audible. She wiped her mouth with a tissue and sat back in her chair slowly. "I feel like crap."

"Take some deep breaths," he said pushing the trash can back under the desk and standing up. He eyed her cautiously noting the color had drained from her face. "Tough day huh Major?" he commented carefully. "Guess you can't hang with the big dogs after all."

Mac took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together for any of the viewing eyes in the bullpen. "I don't remember that I was trying to run with the big dogs, Staf," she replied looking up at him. "I was just at the bar by myself trying to drown my sorrows."

"Hmm, right," Stafford guffawed. "You were drowned all right. You know the best way to kill a hangover is…" he remarked leaning over her desk to pick up a manila folder.

"To stay drunk?" Mac finished the sentence for him. A whiff of his aftershave teased her nose and a fleeting memory of their night of passion flashed before her eyes. She closed them for a moment to freeze the memory and then looked up at him seductively.

"That's one way," he laughed looking down at her. "I was thinking more in the lines of a five mile run." He caught the suggestive look in her eye and straightened up. "Unless you have a better idea."

"My place, nineteen hundred," she said flatly looking him dead in the eye. She slowly ran her tongue over her lips to make her point. She watched the corner of his lip curl into a smirk. "That'll be all Lieutenant."

Stafford winked at her and nodded his head in agreement of her comment. "Yes, Ma'm," he answered and dismissed himself from her office.

In her darken living room, Mac stared mindlessly at the bottle in her hand. The strong odor of the liquid drew her into its hypnotic grasp. She ran her tongue around the opening of the bottle and felt the burn of the liquid on her tongue. She tilted the bottle to her lips and let the liquid fire burn its way to her stomach. She could feel it affect her immediately like medication running through her veins, washing away her pain, numbing her senses.

_Loss_. _That's what the past few years have been to me,_ she cried as tears rolled down her face. _Nothing! First my father, the John Farrow, then Dalton and now my partner, _she thought taking another swig of the clear liquid. _All of them used me and then dumped me! _She took another long swallow of the vodka until it choked in her throat and she began to cough relentlessly. She stumbled toward the bathroom and barely made it to the stool before the contents of her stomach regurgitated.

Stafford found her laying face down in a puddle of vomit an hour later. After checking her pulse and breathing, he picked her limp body up from the floor and set her down in the bathtub. He quickly cleaned up the mess on the floor before turning on the shower and spraying her body with ice-cold water.

It didn't take long to wake her from the stupor. Mac shielded her face from the water and cursed at him standing there beside her. "Dammit Stafford!" she cried out trying to stand. "Shut it off! What are you fricken doing?"

He did as she commanded and helped her step from the tub. "Saving your ass Major!" he yelled at her trying to shock her back to reality. He handed her a towel, which she snatched from him quickly. "You should be thankful I know how to pick a lock, otherwise you would have choked to death on your vomit!"

"Get away from me!" Mac howled as he reached for her when she lost her balance and stumbled against the wall. "Don't fricken touch me!"

"Oh, that's how you want it now?" Stafford yelled at her as she yanked away from him and staggered into her bedroom. He followed her with a verbal barrage poking at her hot buttons. "Is that how you play it Mac? You play games with those who care about you and push them away?"

"I don't play games!" Mac yelled back at him and attempted to slap him in the face. She missed by a long shot and he caught her as she stumbled, nearly falling to the floor. "You don't care about me! You're just in it for the sex!" she growled under her breath when she found her face about two inches from his. She grabbed his head and pulled his face toward hers. Their lips brushed each other and she kissed him hungrily, deeply.

Stafford responded to her at first, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into his body. But when the cold wet fabric of her clothing touched his skin, he pushed her back. "No," he said softly. "This isn't …. You need to sober up." He firmly held her arms at her sides.

"No, please," she whimpered clawing her way closer to him. "Make love to me Staf," she purred placing gentle kisses on his neck.

"No Mac," he repeated sternly. "Not now, not like this."

"You bastard!" she yelled pulling away from him again. "Get out!" she demanded staggering into the living room. "I don't need you to patronize me!"

"I wasn't patronizing you Mac!" Stafford retorted following her into the next room. "I'm not going to sleep with you when you're falling down drunk!"

"You didn't have a problem with that last night!" Mac huffed as she swung the apartment door open.

"Mac!" he protested staring at her. "You're being unreasonable!"

"It's Major to you Lieutenant!" She screamed at him. She glared at him with fire in her eyes.

"Oh, that's how it's going to be now?" he shouted at her, their faces mere inches apart. "Back to rank and protocol when you don't get your way?"

Mac put her hands on his chest and shoved him backward. "Get the frick out Lieutenant!! Just leave!"

Stafford looked at her, grabbed his coat off the chair and walked out into the hall. "I see how you really are," Stafford grumbled as he turned to look back at her. "You're nothing but a fricken drunk! No wonder Rabb left JAG!"

"You a-hole!" Mac yelled back. She lunged forward to take a swing at him and missed miserably, falling to the floor. Stafford laughed and walked away leaving her lying in the hallway.

Kate Todd stood quietly behind her door and listened to the verbal assault taking place in the common hallway. When all was quiet, she cracked her door to peek out and found her neighbor, Major Mackenzie sitting on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Kate hesitated a moment and then quietly closed the door. _What should I do? _she thought as she stood in the darkness of her own apartment. _I barely know this person. _Kate bit her lip and mulled over the alternatives of whether or not to get involved. Her neighbor made the decision for her a second later when the door to apartment three o one slammed shut.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two weeks later

Caitlin Todd walked toward her desk at the Secret Service office and stifled a yawn with her hand. She dropped her wallet and service revolver in her desk drawer and headed toward the coffee pot. As she was pouring a cup, she noticed her partner Derick Behnke heading her way.

"Hey Benk!" Kate called out to him as she finished dumping powder creamer in her coffee. She turned to walk back to her desk and caught him yawning. The reflex was contagious. "Late night?"

"On a stakeout," he mumbled stowing his gear. "What's your excuse?"

"My neighbor," she said flatly sitting down at her desk. She keyed her login and user id into the computer and waiting for her email to pop up.

"Again? Haven't you reported her to the landlord?" Behnke asked her logging in to his computer as well.

"No," Todd whined quietly. "I feel weird doing that. It's like tattling in grade school"

Behnke stared at her in disbelief. "You think that _tattling _on your drunken neighbor is weird?" he chuckled heartily. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this the same neighbor that is drunk nearly every night, sleeps with different men two, three times a week,? Men, which, by your own admission, leave her crumpled in the hallway of your building?"

"Yes."

"And you have an issue with turning her into the landlord?" Behnke asked her again with arched eyebrows. "I think you'd be doing her a favor."

"Well, that's just it," Kate argued. "I want to do her a favor. I want to help her. I just don't know how to do it the right way." Kate said remorsefully. "She needs help. I just don't want to be the nosy neighbor meddling in her business."

"Well, if you want it to be anonymous, you could call her CO at JAG and request that she takes a drug test," Behnke remarked. "I think the head guy over there is Admiral Chedwiggen."

"That's sneaky and underhanded," Kate retorted and shook her head.

"That's why we work for the _secret service_," Behnke replied with a sly smile on his face.

"Ha ha," Kate replied shooting him a disgusted look. She was quiet for a moment as she drank her coffee. She took a sip of the vial liquid and set the cup down on her desk. "Do you know any of the other JAG attorney's?"

"A couple," Behnke replied staring at his computer.

"What about Rabb?"

"Harmon Rabb?" Behnke asked looking around his computer at his partner.

"I guess," Kate said shrugging her shoulders. "The Major was in the hallway last night after the flavor of the day left crying about Rabb."

Behnke's jaw dropped and a look of astonishment washed over it. "Wait a minute!" he stammered. "_Major Mackenzie_ is your neighbor?"

"Yeah," Kate replied with a puzzled expression on her face. "Why are you acting like that? I talk about her every day."

"No, you talk about your neighbor that works at JAG, you never called her Major before," Behnke corrected her. "Holy cricks! She's a drunk? I would never have guessed it!"

"You know her?"

"Yeah, I worked a case with her a year ago," Behnke replied nodding his head. "She's a hottie! And in addition to being completely professional," he added when he noticed the scowl on Kate's face." She and Rabb are the Admiral's chosen ones."

"What'd'ya mean?" Kate asked tilting her head to the side.

"They're like us … they can do no wrong … at least in the Admiral's eyes anyway," Behnke said laughing.

"We can do no wrong?" she asked him quizzically. "I don't think we're the boss' poster kids."

"At least in theory," he mumbled turning back toward his computer. He was about to say something else when he phone rang. "Behnke. Yes, sir. Right away," he answered hanging up the phone. "Bat phone, boss wants us in his office."

Same day, afternoon

Caitlin Todd stared at the service record displayed on the computer monitor and mindlessly popped carrot sticks in her mouth. She paged down through the information and jotted some notes down on a piece of paper. Her partner Derick Behnke walked toward her desk crunching on an apple.

"Harmon Rabb isn't an attorney anymore," Todd said once Behnke was in earshot.

"Huh?"

"Rabb. He's not an attorney at JAG," Todd repeated pointing at her screen. "He's a pilot...a naval aviator. He's stationed at the Jacksonville Air Station," she said flatly.

"And?" Behnke asked taking another bite of the apple. "What does this have to do with our current assignment?"

"Nothing," Todd said defensively. "It just makes sense now."

Behnke stared at her as he sat down. He watched her nod in agreement with her computer screen, as if she was having a private conversation with the guy's face on her screen. "You lost me," he finally butted in.

"According to Rabb's service record, he was an aviator, then went to law school and was assigned to work at JAG for the past five years. Six weeks ago he changed his designator back to aviator," Todd explained. "When I moved into the building three months ago, the landlord told me that all the residents were mature, business professionals and …"

"And quiet?" Behnke added taking the final bite out of his apple. He tossed it in the trash. "So let me ask again, what's the connection with our current assignment?"

"He's stationed at the Air Station in Jacksonville!" Kate reiterated. She bit her lip and was quiet for a moment. "The Major's agony makes sense to me now. Last night I heard her mumbling that everyone who cared about her left her and she kept saying this Rabb guy's name."

"Huh, well that _is_ interesting," Behnke said completely bored with her conversation. He logged into his computer and checked his in basket. "Looks like we got our travel itinerary for Jacksonville Kate," he said as he scrolled through the messages. When she didn't respond, he looked up at her and noticed her staring at him with a smirk on her face. "No, Kate! Absolutely not!" he remarked defensively when he figured out what she was thinking.

"Come on Benk! We're going to be right in the neighborhood," Kate argued.

"Kate, you're in the neighborhood every night and you don't feel its right to confront the Major and yet you want to drive all the way out to the Air Station in Jacksonville and have a conversation with her former partner, Lieutenant Commander Rabb?" Behnke addressed her with arched eyebrows.

"It won't take that long, less than an hour," Kate replied cautiously. "No one will have to know, we can just say we were following up on a lead."

Behnke stared at her in disbelief and put his hand across his heart. "I can't believe that you … Ms. Catholic School Girl … wants to bend the rules a little for your own benefit!"

Kate gave him a sly smile. "Does that mean you'll do it?"

"I'll take it under advisement," Behnke shook his head. "What are you doing for dinner? I'm meeting the wife at the Chophouse if you want to join us," he said changing the subject.

"Hmm, can't tonight," Kate replied sticking her lip out in a pout. "Can I have a rain check? I'm having dinner with my neighbor."

"Your neighbor?" Behnke quizzed her. "The same neighbor you've been obsessing about all day?"

"Yes. One and the same."

"Ugh, you're killing me Kate!" Behnke said getting up from his desk and grabbing his coat. He shook his head as he walked past her desk. "I'll see you at the airport tomorrow and I'll be waiting for your sit-rep."

Next day at the airport

Derick Behnke waited patiently for his partner to clear security and catch up with him on the way to their gate. He handed her a cup of coffee and pulled his boarding pass from his pocket.

"Okay, the suspense is killing me," he said flashing his ID at the gate attendant. "What happened last night?"

Kate handed her boarding pass to the attendant and started to walk down the jet way with her partner. "Nothing much," she teased him with a huge smile on her face.

"Knock it off!" Behnke howled in protest. "You have the woman at your house for dinner and nothing happens?"

"Seriously! We had dinner, some great conversation, and played a game that she brought," Kate laughed.

Behnke eyed his partner suspiciously. "You played a game? Which one?"

"Scrabble," Kate replied matter-o-factly.

"Scrabble? A little librarian isn't it?" Behnke chuckled. "Did she drink?"

"Nope. I asked her if she wanted a drink and she opted for tonic water and a squeeze of lime," Kate answered. "She's very different than I expected."

"How so?"

"Considering I've seen her attempting to hide a hangover or falling down drunk … she's just more put together when she's sober," Kate reflected. "In fact, the more that I think about it, I can't believe she's a drunk."

"Ah haa," Behnke interjected. "See I told you that yesterday. I would have never guessed she had a dark side." He settled down in his assigned seat and fumbled with the seatbelt.

Kate crawled in behind him and settled herself in the seat before continuing. "She's troubled though and she doesn't do a very good job of hiding it," Kate said pulling a magazine from her carry-on bag.

"Yeah, we all got problems, Kate," Behnke remarked pulling the airline magazine from the seat back pocket. "That doesn't give a person license to self destruct." He flipped through a few pages of the magazine and pretended to listen to the flight attendant's spiel on the safety instructions. "You still want to go to the air station?" he asked as the plane started to go airborne.

"Definitely!" Kate replied. "I planted some seeds with her last night, but I'd like to hear what the Commander has to say," she remarked.

"Kate, are you sure? You barely know her," Behnke questioned carefully.

"Look Benk, I know enough to get realized that she needs help. Sometimes it's easier to reach out to a stranger than a friend," Kate remarked. "I'm not going to give up on her."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jacksonville Florida

Kate drummed her fingers on the passenger side window as her partner Derick Behnke drove to the Naval Air Station. She mentally worked through the versions of the conversation she was about to have with LCDR Rabb about her neighbor. She kept going back to two different approaches, each of them equally lame. _Why is this important to me? _she questioned herself. _What am I thinking? If this guy totally ran out of her life, what makes me think I'm going to do anything to influence him differently? _

Behnke looked over at his partner and noticed the conflicted expression on her face. "You have any idea what you are going to say to him?" he asked her breaking the silence between them.

"Absolutely not," Kate replied remorsefully. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"Yeah, we could turn around and go back to the airport," he answered shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe catch an early flight back to D.C."

"Ha ha funny," Kate replied sarcastically. "I'm serious."

"I'm serious too," Behnke replied. "I think you are sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Now's a fine time to tell me," Kate blurted out.

"I told you yesterday, just call her CO," Behnke explained waving his hand to make his point. "Once the complaint is made, she will be required to take a substance abuse test. It'll be completely anonymous."

"Right and the coward's way out," Kate argued. "You don't think she'll be suspicious about who made the complaint?"

"Oh, like talking to her former partner isn't going to be completely obvious?" Behnke countered. "I'm sure if she is falling down drunk in her own home, then she isn't covering it very well at the office. People always slip up. It's human nature."

"Derick!"

"I told you not to call me that, Kate! Only my mother owns the rights to call me that!"

"Are you going to help me or not?"

Behnke looked over at her and sighed heavily. _She's too damn cute. _"Okay, I'll help you. Geezus! Like I could say no!"

He pulled the car up to the front gate of the Air Station and flipped his ID out to the security guard standing watch. "Special Agent Behnke, Secret Service. This is my partner Special Agent Todd," he said dryly.

"State your business," the military police officer said flatly.

"We're here to speak Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb jr," Behnke replied.

"Do you have an appointment sir?"

Behnke rolled his eyes and leaned his head out the window of the car. "Well, then it wouldn't be a secret now would it?" he remarked sarcastically.

The MP Officer stared at him wordlessly and the stepped inside his guard shack to make a phone call.

Behnke started to laugh arrogantly until he felt Kate punch him in the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" he asked her rubbing his arm.

"For being that federal agent ass that everybody hates!" Kate replied staring at him.

"No that's not me," Behnke countered shaking his head. "That's that dork Clayton Webb from the CIA. Oh, sorry … _the agency_!" he said making quotation marks with his fingers. The comment made Kate laugh.

"Ugh! Don't bring that guy's name up around me!" Kate said making a face and sticking her tongue out. "He is the epitome of a loser!"

"Open your trunk sir," the MP commanded.

Kate opened the glove box and hit the truck release as ordered. She looked over at Behnke and sighed. "I still don't know what I'm going to say to him."

"Well, then let me take the lead," Behnke replied with a sly grin on his face.

"You're clear to pass Agent Behnke," the MP said from the side of the car. "Commander Rabb is on the air field. Follow this road to the left and it will take you right over there. Another guard will direct you where to park when you get there. The guard pointed to the left and Behnke wheeled the car out of the gate area and down the road.

"Lieutenant Stafford."

Stafford cringed when he heard the female voice of Major Mackenzie behind him in the hallway. _I am not giving in to her today, _he resolved internally before he faced her. "Major?" he answered as he turned around.

"Could I speak to you in my office?" Mac asked him all official like. She gave him one of those killer smiles.

"Certainly," Stafford replied biting his tongue. _She's fricken hot, _he thought following her to her office. _I could totally bang her on top of her desk. _He walked into the office, shut the door behind him and stood at attention by her desk.

"At ease Lieutenant," Mac joked when she saw him standing there so stiffly. "I wanted to apologize for the other night," she said softly.

"No apology necessary, ma'm," Stafford said curtly. "I understand my place." He watched her stare at him. _Those damn brown eyes of hers could melt a glacier, _he thought.

"I guess I deserve that," Mac mumbled. She toyed with a pencil on her desktop. "The silent treatment you've been giving me and all."

"Better to just keep it professional," Stafford remarked. It took every fiber of his being to be mean to her. "You're on your game today though, that is if you don't mind me saying so."

"Thank you," Mac smiled at him. "I stopped drinking."

_Oh right, _Stafford thought nodding his head. "Just like that," he blurted out. "When?"

"Yesterday," she replied matter-o-factly.

"Yesterday, okay that makes sense … since it was just yesterday that Lieutenant Roberts and Lieutenant Sims were commenting that you smelled like a stale brewery," he smarted back at her, his voice escalating with every word.

Mac's jaw dropped to the floor and it took her a moment to recover. "You…. You have no right," she stammered trying to recover from his punch.

"I have no right?" Stafford fired back. "You're the one that invited me in here Major! You're the one that invited me into your life and your bed, but little did I know how much of a drunk and a tramp you are!"

"You don't know anything about me, Mister!"

"Exactly! Because I've been the one defending you the past two weeks only to find out from the bartender at McMurray's that you've been there every night killing off your brain cells and screwing whatever guy has the highest bar tab!" He yelled at her and then quickly came around the side of the desk to grab her wrist. He pushed the fabric of the sleeve up to reveal another bruise on her arm.

He saw her flinch in pain when he touched the bruise. "And what about this Sarah? Huh? Is this just an occupational hazard?" Stafford was inches away from her face and locked his gaze on her. He was oblivious to Admiral Chedwiggen storming through the door of the Major's office.

"Is there a problem here?" he bellowed at the two officers.

"No sir," they said in unison. Stafford dropped Mac's arm and took two steps backward, standing at attention.

"Lieutenant, don't you have work to do?" the Admiral asked rhetorically as he stared the two of them down.

"Sir, yes sir," Stafford replied and exited the office immediately, pulling the door closed behind him.

Major Mackenzie swallowed hard and braced herself for the Admiral's wrath.

Kate Todd paced around in front of the rental car as she and Behnke, waited for LCDR Rabb to land his F14. After a few minutes, she walked around to the side of the vehicle and reached in for her purse. She dug around inside the purse in search of something and came up empty handed.

"Looking for something?" her partner asked.

"Do you have any gum?"

"I have an apple," Derick replied with a wide grin on his face.

"What?" Kate asked him quizzically. "I wanted some gum, not an apple."

Behnke pushed himself off the hood of the car and walked over to her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of Certs. "How 'bout a breath mint?"

Kate scowled under her breath and took the mint from him. "Thank you," she said popping it into her mouth. She tossed her purse back in the car and shut the door.

"Looks like Rabb just landed," Behnke said pointing at the F14 that was heading toward them. He adjusted his service revolver on his belt and pulled his credentials out of his jacket pocket. "Game on Kate," he said with that arrogant tone again.

"Stow it Derick," Kate said glaring at him. "I'm taking the lead. I'm the one that wants to talk to him. You can stay with the car!"

"You know what you are going to say?" he asked, his feathers all ruffled.

Kate didn't bother to answer him. She watched the pilot park the plane and starting walking toward the aircraft. Commander Rabb crawled down the ladder and after a brief conversation with the ground crew he started to walk in Kate's direction. When Kate was about eight feet from him, she pulled out her ID and called out to him. "Commander Rabb? Special Agent Caitlin Todd, Secret Service," she said stepping to within two feet of him.

"Secret Service?" Rabb answered with a suspicious expression on his face. "Why do I smell Clayton Webb?" He tucked his flight helmet under his arm.

"I can assure you that Mr. Webb has nothing to do with my visit," Kate countered putting her ID back in her jacket. "My credentials just got me on base. My purpose is personal actually."

"Personal?" Rabb coughed. "You aren't going to claim that we had a fling in some exotic bar now are you?" He gave her one of his trademark smiles.

"No," she laughed relaxing slightly. "Although I reserve the right to use that excuse later."

"Reserve the right Agent Todd?" Harm remarked. "You're talking like a lawyer now."

"I wanted to talk to you about a mutual friend," Kate said.

"Mutual? Is this like six degrees of separation?" Harm asked her with a puzzled look on his face.

"Something like that," Kate replied pausing a second. "I'll cut straight to the chase, it's about Major Mackenzie."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Only a handful of patrons were in the bar when Mac got to McMurray's. The jukebox hummed in the background and the crack of the cue ball hitting the side rail of the pool table patted out a beat like an unbalanced cadence. Mac took a seat at the bar and took off her jacket. She noticed her hands were shaking and she rubbed them together mindlessly.

"What'dya have Major?" the barkeep growled at her.

"Bourbon straight up," she whispered back barely audible. "Make it a double," she added ducking her head like she was in fear someone would hear.

"Ah, going for the hard stuff I see," the barkeep commented. He tossed a short glass on the bar and poured bourbon into it. He slid the glass her way. "Something ya wanna talk about?"

"Just a bad day at work Sam," Mac replied holding the glass just under her nose and inhaling its aroma. "The boss chewed my ass," she finally answered. She took a sip of the brown liquid and let it burn her tongue and all the way down her throat.

"Well, did ya deserve it?" he asked her wiping the bar down with a dirty rag.

"Probably," Mac confessed. "I guess I haven't been on my game the past few weeks." She took another long sip of her drink.

"Over-indulging usually does that to ya Major," Sam remarked tossing the rag under the bar. He walked to the other end, filled another drink order, and then made his way back to Mac after a few minutes. He found her sitting in front of an empty glass. "Ya ready for a refill Major?" he asked her picking on the glass. He watched her nod, but instead of giving her the refill, he handed her a cold glass of water instead.

"What's this for?" she asked eyeing the glass.

"Ya need to learn to pace yourself Major," Sam said standing behind the bar. "Drink your liquor, drink water, drink your liquor, drink water. Keep that up all night, you'll drink less and won't have a hangover in the morning," he shrugged his shoulders and pointed at the glass. "Take it from a career drunk, it works."

Mac looked up at him and smiled weakly. He walked away from her to take another order. _Another drunk reference, _she contemplated as her gaze went back to the glass. She sighed again, picked up the glass of water, and drained half of it at once. The ice cold liquid clashed with the heavier liquor and waged war on her stomach. She took a couple of deep breaths to settle her stomach and focused on the half-empty glass in front of her.

"I haven't seen your friend in here tonight," Sam said coming back her way.

"What friend is that?" Mac questioned him her mind racing to find the answer before he said it. _What friend? I've had several friends here the past few nights, _she thought.

"The tall dark haired guy that works with you," he said waving his arms around trying to show the height of _her friend. _

"You mean Harm?" Mac asked Sam when he held his hand above his head. "He hasn't been around for months."

"No, not the pilot," Sam said shaking his head. "The other guy … the plumber."

"Stafford?" Mac mumbled. "He hasn't been here with me for weeks. We're keeping it professional these days."

"Ah no, no, no, Major," Sam replied shaking his head. "He's been here every night. Watching you from afar," Sam said pointing at the back corner. "You ready for the next set?" he asked pointing at her water.

"Ah, just water Sam," she stammered trying to collect herself. She watched him fill her glass and set it on the counter in front of her. A patron at the end of the bar caught Sam's attention and he wandered that way, leaving Mac to her thoughts.

_Staf's been here every night? He's seen first hand who I've been leaving with…_ she felt tears brimming in her eyes and blinked several times to clear them. The words he yelled at her today echoed in her head. _You're a drunk and a tramp, _she mused as she stared into her water glass. _If Staf cares so much, why does he push me away? _She stared through the glass at the distorted image of the bar. Her focus on the glass softened and the memory of her moment with Harm when he left JAG replayed like a movie in the reflection. _I told him that I loved him and he left me! Everybody hurts me and I'm numb to it, _she mulled over in her head. _The only way I can feel anything is to hurt myself. _She fingered the bruise on her forearm again, pushing her finger into the skin. _I deserve the pain,_ she thought wincing.

She suddenly felt hot and suffocated. Sounds of the bar began to escalate in her ear. As the imagines and the sounds of the bar flooded over her, Mac felt the need to escape. She reached into her coat pocket, pulled a twenty-dollar bill out and threw in on the counter. Mac stood from the bar stool, grabbed her coat and stumbled out the door.

Once outside, Mac wandered aimlessly down the sidewalk, feeling alone and vulnerable as she headed toward the lot where her car was parked. Harm's, Stafford's and the Admiral's words reverberated in her head and knocked her off focus. She stepped off the curb right into the path of a passing taxi. The blaring horn and the screech of the brakes yanked Mac from her fog. She placed her hands on the hood of the taxi and took several breaths.

"Hey lady! What's your problem?" the driver yelled at her through his window. "Fricken drunks! Why don't you go have another cocktail?"

Mac looked up at the cabbie and backed away from his car. She turned and half ran, half stumbled toward the lot where her car was parked.

Caitlin Todd pulled the wooden door of McMurray's open and let the smoky warm air of the bar hit her in the face. She stepped inside of the establishment and scanned the crowd for Major Mackenzie's face. _Okay, I don't see her, _she thought as she took a seat at the bar. She looked at her watch to check the time as the barkeep meandered her way.

"What'd'ya have?" he growled at her.

"A black and tan," Kate replied laying a twenty dollar bill on the bar. She watched the bartender pour the brew into a tall glass and set it down in front of her.

"Annathing else I can git ya?" he asked leaning his weight against the bar.

"I was looking for a friend," Kate said taking a sip of her beer. "Major Mackenzie," she added. "Have you seen her tonight?"

"Ah, she was here earlier," he grumbled. "She had a drink and she left. Maybe the plumber knows where she went," he said pointing toward the back corner of the bar.

Kate turned around and looked in the direction he was pointing and saw a man that could have passed for Rabb's brother. She looked back at the bartender. "He's a plumber?" Kate asked the man. _He doesn't look like any plumber I know, _she thought looking that direction again.

"He's a jack of all trades," the barkeep laughed. "Plumber, attorney, sailor."

_Must be a Navy thing, _Kate thought as she slid off the barstool. _Rabb's an aviator, sailor, attorney. _She walked toward the man leaning up against the wall watching a game of pool.

"I heard you're a plumber," Kate said as she neared him. She watched him smile. _He even smiles like Rabb, _she noted.

"The barkeep telling my secrets again?" Stafford replied casually.

"Yes, but only because I was looking for someone," Kate replied with a smile. She needed to build some credibility with him so she pulled her badge out of her jacket pocket. "Special Agent Todd, Secret Service," she said flipping it at him.

"I'm off duty Agent Todd," he said squinting at the ID. "And since when is it acceptable for the Secret Service to drink on the job?" he asked still smiling at her.

"Well, I not on the job technically," Kate replied. "I only showed it to you so you would take me seriously." She stuck her ID back in her pocket and smiled sheepishly. "You can call me Kate."

Stafford pushed himself off the wall and extended his hand to her. "Okay Kate. You can call me Staf … or Lieutenant Stafford," he remarked. "Although mostly people just call me Staf."

"You don't have a first name?" Kate questioned shaking his hand.

"No, my mother never gave me one. Its last name only," Staf joked with her.

"I can look that up you know," Kate laughed. "I have security clearance to do so."

"As well as I can investigate you," Staf replied with a sly smile. "So, who are you looking for?"

"Major Mackenzie," Kate said flatly.

"Ugh," he growled. "She's not here." He drained his beer and set the glass on the nearest table. "What do you want with her?"

"Well, she's not in trouble officially," Kate said taking a swallow of her beer. "I'm her neighbor and I'm worried about her."

"Well, that makes two of us," Staf said shuffling his feet. "But she doesn't want any help, at least not from me."

"I don't believe that Lieutenant," Kate remarked. "I think she screaming out for help and no one is listening."

"Well, she has a funny way of showing it," Staf remarked remorsefully. "She's real good at pushing those who care about her away."

"Don't you think that's a Marine thing?" Kate quizzed him. "Acting all tough on the outside?" She arched her eyebrows at him.

"What are you … a shrink?"

"No, I'm a profiler for the service," Kate answered flatly. "I make it my business to pay attention to details that others miss," she tilted her head at him. "You didn't learn that at Law School?"

Staf thought about it for a second before responding. "I didn't go to FLETC, Kate. OCS graduate here. I went to Law School as a civilian."

"Back when you were a plumber?" Kate laughed letting him off the hook temporarily. "So where do you think she went?" she ventured getting back to her primary objective.

"Did the bartender say how much she had to drink?"

"He said she had _a drink_, so I take that to mean one," Kate answered. "Do you think she went home?"

"Doubtful," he answered grabbing his coat. "She probably went to another bar. You coming with me?" he asked her as he walked to the door.

"Right behind you," Kate replied.

"That's _on my six _Agent Todd," Staf joked as he grabbed her hand and headed out the door.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Later that night.

Kate and Staf trudged up the back stairs of her apartment building. They had been to all of Mac's known watering holes and then some with no luck. Kate keyed in her security code at the door and pulled it open when it buzzed. As the two entered the building, Staf took one last look at the parking lot.

"I hope she's upstairs just sleeping it off," Kate remarked walking to the elevator. "Should I get the manager to key her apartment?" she asked when Staf caught up with her.

"No, don't bother," he replied. "I can pick the lock."

"You learn that at OCS?" Kate asked him quizzically.

"No, that I learned being a plumber," Staf replied shrugging his shoulders casually. "Clients have a tendency to lock themselves out of their house," he said walking into the elevator.

Agent Todd banged on the door several times before Stafford made quick work of picking the lock. The two searched the apartment quickly finding no trace of Mac. Kate walked into the hallway with a defeated expression on her face and turned to watch Stafford close the door behind him.

"Can't you rig the door to notify me when she gets home?" Kate asked him.

"Are you serious?" Stafford scowled. "I'm a plumber, not MacGyver." He fished his wallet out of his pocket and handed Kate a business card. "I'm going to head home. I have one other place to check on my way, so I can call you if I find her," he said motioning for her cell phone number.

Kate pulled a business card and pen out of her purse and scribbled the number on the card. "And if you don't find her?" she asked quietly.

"Then I'll call you tomorrow and let you know when she shows up at work," he said confidently.

"If she shows up at work," Kate said with a worried look on her face.

"She always shows up Kate," Stafford said trying to reassure her. "She may look like hell and stink to high heaven, but she always shows up."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Next day. – Mid morning. **

"Kate?" Stafford's voice echoed through the phone. "She didn't show up."

The words burned a hole through Kate's stomach and heart. She checked the time on her computer. "It's nearly ten o clock," she stammered. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure," Stafford countered angrily. "She wasn't here at zero eight hundred. She was my co-counsel on our morning court case and never showed. And now the Officer of the Day, Commander Ackley, is hell bent on serving her ass to the Admiral on a platter!" Stafford sighed heavily. "I think her only saving grace is the Admiral is out of the office all day. You gotta find her Kate," he mumbled into the phone.

"Oh…kay," Kate replied slowly as her brain did double time. She looked at her watch again and tried to calculate out her day. "Can you leave the office?"

"Well, not exactly," he growled in frustration. "I have court at one and I cannot get out of it. I don't dare ask for a continuance because …. ahh… because I've already botched this case. My ass will be shipped off to some offshore garbage duty if I can't pull off a miracle today."

"Alright," she replied rhetorically as she exhaled through her mouth, blowing her bangs up in the air. "I'm going to be leaving here in an hour. Any idea where I should look for her?"

"Besides her apartment? Stafford said. "Hmmm….not a clue, sorry." He paused a moment to talk to someone in the background. "Hey Kate? I gotta go. Commander Ackley wants to see me."

"Okay, thanks," Kate said hanging up. _Thanks for being so fricken helpful Lieutenant! _she thought as she snapped her phone shut. She stared blankly at her desk trying to figure out where to start. _Guess I'll start at ground zero, _she contemplated logging out of her computer.

**Ninety minutes later**

Kate drove her truck through the gates at Andrews Air Force Base and followed the guard truck to the airfield. She rounded the corner and found Commander Rabb climbing out of an F-14 on the tarmac. She parked the truck and exited the vehicle, walking toward the Commander as he headed her way.

"When you told me to pick you up here, I assumed you were taking a Navy plane up from Florida," Kate joked with him.

"That's a Navy plane," Harm replied with his signature grin. "If I was on a regular flight, I'd still be in the air."

"Well, in retrospect, its better that you're here quicker," Kate said questioning her syntax with a grimace.

"Why's that?" Rabb asked. "You miss me already?"

"It's Major Mackenzie that's _missing_ Commander," Kate replied dryly.

Rabb hesitated for a moment processing what she said. "How do you know?" he asked. He put his hand on her shoulder and guided her toward the hanger and the locker room.

"She didn't come home last night," Kate replied slowly as she walked with him. "And she didn't show up for work today."

"And how do you know this?"

"I share a bedroom wall with her remember? The building isn't exactly sound proof," Kate reminded him.

"No, I meant work," Rabb said holding the door to the locker room open for her. "How do you know that she didn't show up? Are you spying on her Agent Todd?"

Kate sighed and shook her head. "Lieutenant Stafford called me about her this morning." She watched Harm strip out of his flight suit, down to his skivvies with no regard to her standing there. She turned around in embarrassment. "He said she was co-counsel on his first case and didn't show up."

"Whew," he mumbled pulling on his uniform trousers. "The Admiral will have her ass for that."

"Well, luckily for her, the Admiral is out today," Kate replied she said turning back around. "That's what Stafford said at least."

"Stafford? The wanna be?" Rabb mocked him.

"He seems nice enough," Kate countered. "He could pass for your brother."

"Doubtful. He colors his hair," Rabb replied buttoning his shirt.

"What?"

"He's prematurely gray, so he colors his hair," Harm said motioning at his head. "What does he have to do with Mac anyway? Besides missing court this morning?" He sat down on the bench to tie his shoes.

"They're sleeping together," Kate said.

Harm looked up at her in disbelief. The words cut through him like a knife. _Mac's done some reckless things, but sleeping with a junior officer? _"You sure about that Kate?"

"Yes, Harm … look I didn't mean to hurt you," she backtracked after watching the color drain from his face. "But I know for a fact, because I heard it through the wall, saw him leave her apartment and" she paused a moment. "He told me as much last night."

Harm tied the other shoe and then stood up from the bench. He walked over to the mirror and went to work on his tie. "Look, Kate you didn't hurt me. Mac and I are just friends," he said.

"I know ... you said that yesterday. Are you sure Mac knows that?" Kate remarked walking up behind him. "I've heard her cry about you in the hallway on more than one occasion."

Rabb stared as his reflection as his parting conversation with Mac at JAG replayed in his head. _She asked me if I was in love … in love with Jordan, _he mused. _At least that is what I thought she meant. _He looked over at Kate still standing there. "Mac was ah ….really upset with me when I decided to change my designator," he stammered. He turned around and walked back to the locker, stowing his gear in his flight bag. "I care about her, but it's never worked for us to be in a relationship…. We fight too much." He zipped the bag shut and placed his cover on his head. "The drinking is what I'm worried about," he mumbled. "It's not like her to lose control." He looked back at Kate and caught her staring at him. "Kate?"

She blushed and ducked her head. "Sorry," she mumbled embarrassed that he busted her. "I was…. ah….never mind." She handed him the keys to her truck. "You can drive, since you like to be the pilot."

Rabb walked into the bedroom of his loft and scanned the room wordlessly. _She's been here, _he concluded settling his eyes on his bed. Despite her attempts to cover it up, the bed wasn't made quite the way he left it. He walked over to the side of the bed and picked up a pillow. He brought it to his nose and inhaled, smelling the residue of her cologne in the pillow case. _At least she spent the night here instead of …._ he didn't finish the thought not wanting to consider the consequences.

Rabb turned around and headed toward the kitchen. "She's been here," he directed at Kate who was standing near the island. "Last night probably, since her cologne is still lingering on the pillow."

"That's comforting," Kate replied watching him as he opened the cabinets under the island. He squatted down and reached into one of the cabinets. "Looking for something?" she asked leaning over to see what he was doing.

Harm sighed heavily and stood up. He had a bottle of Jack in his hands. He set it on the counter. "This was a going away present from one of my buddies," Rabb said pointing at the half full bottle. "It wasn't opened."

Kate stared at the bottle while the words settled in. "For what it's worth ….at least she drank it here and not in some bar. At least she was safe last night and not sleeping with a stranger," Kate remarked trying to make him feel better.

"Kate, I know what you're trying to do, but honestly does that make you feel any better?" Harm asked her with arched eyebrows.

"No," Kate replied remorsefully. "Where do you think she is now?"

"She's not here and she not at work," Harm rattled off gathering his thoughts. "When was the last time you were home?"

"I ran past the building before I came to pick you up, but her car wasn't in the lot," Kate replied.

Harm picked up his cover and headed for the door. "Just because her car wasn't there doesn't mean she isn't," he replied holding the door open for her. "Mac knows her limits. She's probably cabbing it."

Mac stared at the distorted image of her living room through the bottle in her hands. It was empty….drained a different day, when she was in a different place. _Every drunk has to hit rock bottom, _she reflected as she tossed the bottle in the trash. "Is today my rock bottom?" she said aloud to no one as she tried to clean up her apartment. "I'm a Marine and I'm done drowning my sorrows." She bit her lip hesitantly and scanned the room. "At least I hope I'm still a Marine tomorrow, if the Admiral doesn't have my ass on an unauthorized absence charge."

She sat down on the couch and gave into emotion building up in her throat. The loss that she felt at the realization that her mother had abandoned her, that Harm had walked out on her, and that Dalton was killed because of her all stared in right in the face. The pain was as raw at that moment as it was when it had all just happened. "I let everyone that cared for me down," she muttered aloud. "John, Harm, the Admiral, Dalton, Chloe, even my father." She fell over on the couch, pulled a pillow to her face, and cried deeply into it.

As the sobs flooded over her and the tears stained her face she suddenly felt at peace with herself. _Stress has to release itself somehow, _the words Harm had said to her once echoed in her ear. _Why is he always right? _she reflected as she stared blankly at the floor. _What would he say about me now? Oh, he'd be politically correct verbally, but he'd berate me with those damn blue eyes of his. And then he'd make some condescending remark on why women shouldn't be in combat. _She sat up on the couch and wiped the tears from her face. She glanced at her watch.

"I'm not going to give him the chance!" she resolved. "Get up Marine! Pull yourself together!" she yelled at herself with the confidence that had been missing for weeks. She stood up from the couch and marched determinedly into her bedroom. "It's twelve forty three. You have just enough time to lock it up, get your six in to work and plead your pathetic case to the Admiral." She walked into the bathroom and turned on the tub faucet. She held her hand under the nozzle testing the water temperature as it turned from cold to warm.

_Just a few more minutes, _she thought as she pulled her hand from the spray. Mac stepped over to the sink, opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol. She popped two tablets in her mouth and chased them down with a glass of water. Mac set the half filled glass of water down on the sink, grabbed a towel off the rack and walked out of the small room. As she left the room, the towel hit the glass and knocked it off the sink, spilling the remaining water on the tile floor.

_Whew, my clothes stink, _she thought as she pulled her shirt over her head. _Cigarettes, spilled alcohol and vomit are no longer my cologne of choice, _she resolved throwing her clothes in her dirty laundry hamper. Once undressed, she wrapped the towel around her frame and headed back into the bathroom. As she stepped onto the cool tile floor, she planted her foot into the pool of water and lost her balance skidding forward toward the tub.

Mac lunged for the towel rack to catch her fall. Her full amount of weight on the rack caused it to break off the wall and the velocity sent Mac crashing head first into the tub. She lay on the floor for a moment stunned at what had just happened. "Fricken clutz," she mumbled as she pushed herself into a sitting position onto the side of the tub. "Now I _am_ a stumbling drunk," she added as she steadied herself. She started to laugh uncontrollably at the irony of her situation. She glanced around the room and spied the pile of broken glass. _I wonder when that broke, _she thought as she stared at it blankly.

A droplet of liquid ran across the back of her neck and she reached up to stop it. Mac noticed water had begun to pool in the tub and she looked over her shoulder to check on the stopper. When she turned her head, she noticed it was blood, not water that was covering her skin. "Oh my god," she blurted out and reached for her towel on the floor. She dabbed at the back of her head and then looked at the towel. "Holy crap I'm bleeding," she whispered startled at the sight of the blood. She noticed her hand was shaking and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. "Suck it up Marine," she scolded herself as she tried to stand up.

A wave of nausea combined with a dizzy sensation flooded over and blinded her senses. Mac reached out for the wall to steady herself as she stood. Without warning her foot slipped in the pool of water sending Mac sailing backward into the wall. Her head made hard contact with the ceramic tiles of her tub surround and her unconscious body slumped lifelessly into the half filled bathtub.

Kate held open the backdoor of her apartment building as she waiting for Rabb to catch up with her. "Didn't see it?" she asked him as he walked through the door.

"Nope," Rabb replied. "Not on any of the side streets." He shook his head. "It's not like her to leave her car somewhere." He walked to the elevator and punched the up button.

"Do you want me to get the key from the manager?" Kate asked pointing her thumb down the hallway.

"No, I got one," Rabb replied fishing his keys out of pocket. The elevator door slid open and he and Kate stepped in. Rabb fumbled with his keys all the way to the third floor. "What time is it?" he asked her just before the door slid open.

"Just a few minutes before one," Kate replied. She noticed a worried expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

Rabb shook his head. "I don't have a good feeling about this," he said stepping out of the elevator. He practically sprinted to the door of apartment three o one. After pounding on the door and yelling out Mac's name several times, he shoved the key into the lock and attempted to turn it unsuccessfully. "My key doesn't work," he growled with frustration slapping the door with his palm.

"Ahh, the locks were changed a month ago when the manager's office was broken into," Kate stammered feeling totally stupid. "I'll get the manager."

"Forget it, we don't have time," Rabb said backing up. He kicked at the door several times until he finally crashed through it. Once instead of the apartment, Harm scanned the living room quickly and wordlessly.

"Do you hear water running?" Kate asked heading toward the bedroom. "Sarah!" she yelled out in the hopes that Mac was just taking a shower. "Mac!"

Harm followed her toward the bathroom and ran into Kate's frozen body in the doorway. He looked inside the room and saw Mac's still body in the overflowing bathtub. He noticed the blood on the floor and the broken glass by the sink. Harm pushed Kate out of the way. "Call 911," he ordered as he turned the water off. He pulled Mac's head out of the water. "She's still warm," he mumbled glancing back at the doorway. Kate was still standing there, paralyzed by the scene. "Kate!" he yelled at her to get her attention. "Get an ambulance!"

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

LCDR Rabb paced nervously in the waiting room at Bethesda Naval Hospital while he waited for the report from the emergency room doctor. The memory of what happened at Mac's apartment replayed in his mind like static images. Kicking in the door, finding Mac submerged in the overflowing tub, lifting out her lifeless body, laying her down on the floor of her bedroom, beginning CPR.

The paramedics and the fire department had arrived within minutes. A fire fighter took over compressions from him and after defibrillating Mac a couple of times they revived her. Agent Todd had nearly shoved him out the door of the apartment to follow the ambulance to the hospital while she waited for NCIS to arrive. Rabb could barely remember the drive to Bethesda as he finally sat in a chair numb to what just happened. _If, _he wondered not even finishing the sentence. There were thousands of _ifs,_ but none of them would change the outcome. The bottom line still remained, Mac tried to take her life and if it weren't for her neighbor butting in, she'd be dead.

"Rabb?"

Harm recognized the voice of Admiral Chedwiggen right away and stood at attention immediately.

"At ease Commander," the Admiral barked. "What the hell happened?"

"I ah…. I don't know sir," Rabb stuttered. "It looks like she ah … I found her submerged…the tub….had to do cperr...we got to her just in time," he finally croaked out.

The Admiral put his hand on Rabb's shoulder and directed him to sit in a chair. "How did you find her?" he asked motioning at the air.

"Ah, Mac's neighbor, Caitlin Todd, contacted me yesterday about her drinking problem," Rabb said taking a deep breath. "I took leave to come up here and talk to her about it."

"Hmmph," the Admiral growled. "I ordered the Major into an outpatient substance abuse program," he said remorsefully shaking his head. "I started noticing her downward spiral about a week ago and it came to a head yesterday. If I would have known…."

"Admiral, there are a thousand if's," Rabb interrupted him. "We can't go beating ourselves up over it." Rabb ran his hand across his brow. "I'm just thankful that Kate got in touch with me."

"Commander Rabb?" the doctor called to Rabb as he walked around the corner from the emergency ward. When he noticed Chedwiggen sitting there he addressed him as well. "Admiral? I'm Captain Kendric," the doctor said to both men. "I've been treating Major Mackenzie."

"Admiral A.J. Chedwiggen," the Admiral stated as the doctor stepped closer. "I'm Major Mackenzie's commanding officer. How is she?"

"I'd like to speak to you in private about the Major's condition," Kendric said flatly. "If you'll both follow me," he said directing them down the hallway to the left. He led the two officers to an exam room down the hall. They were met at the door by an investigator from NCIS. "This is Agent Balboa from NCIS," Kendric said introducing the agent to Rabb and Chedwiggen. "Admiral Chedwiggen from JAG and Commander Rabb."

After introductions were made, Captain Kendric came straight to the point. "Major Mackenzie has a concussion and will be held for observation. Her injury is consistent with a fall and doesn't appear to be a suicide attempt."

"It wasn't?" Chedwiggen and Rabb said in unison.

"I'm still waiting for a psychiatric console, but based on my conversation with her and Agent Balboa's investigation at the scene it seems to be an accident."

"She hit her head and just fell into a tub filled with water?" Chedwiggen questioned the Captain in disbelief.

"The Major told me she getting ready to take a shower, she left the bathroom to change her clothes and when she returned, she slipped in water on the floor and fell," Kendric stated.

"There is evidence in the bathroom of a broken glass near the sink and door," Balboa chimed in.' "I also noted the towel rack broken off the wall. There were blood smears on the wall near the floor and the tub. I found a towel on the floor between the toilet and the tub that was blood stained as well." Balboa added calmly. "I checked the towel rack in Agent Todd's apartment; it would take a considerable amount of force to rip it from the wall in that manner."

"As in someone falling against it," Chedwiggen commented rhetorically.

"Correct," Balboa answered. "The building manager told me that Mackenzie had made two complaints this month about the drain in the tub, specifically about the stopper closing and causing the tub to fill with water."

"Thank god," Rabb muttered under his breath. "I know Mac; she wouldn't intentionally try to hurt herself." He eyed both Balboa and Kendric and noted the questionable expression on their faces. "You don't think that she …."

"There's some other bruising that we're concerned about," Kendric replied looking at the chart.

"Other bruising?" Harm questioned. _Did I see bruising when I picked her up from the tub? _he thought as his mind backpedaled. "What do you mean?"

"On her arms, back, legs and inner thighs," he said staring at the chart.

"The injuries are consistent with those of an abuse victim," Balboa added. "Is the Major in a relationship?"

"Ah, nothing long term," Rabb said putting his hands on his hips.

"Anything that you know of short term?" Balboa prompted. "They're fairly recent. I'd say within the past one to two weeks."

"Scuttlebutt around the office is that she's been _playing the field_ the past few weeks," Chedwiggen remarked with a scowl on his face.

"Since when does a two-star listen to scuttlebutt?" Captain Kendric commented with raised eyebrows. He crossed his arms at his chest and respectfully glared at Chedwiggen.

"When the object of it proves the point," the Admiral answered. "What was her blood alcohol?" the Admiral asked directly.

"I'm still waiting for the lab results," Kendric replied slowly. "Her stats indicate signs of withdrawal. Does she have a drinking…"

"She's an alcoholic" Harm interrupted finally finding his voice again. "She'd been in control of it…..at least I thought she …,"

"I had ordered her into a treatment program yesterday," the Admiral said interrupting the Commander when he heard the trepidation in Rabb's voice. "She was to report to outpatient treatment today."

Kendric jotted a note on the chart and was silent for a moment. "Agent Balboa, could you excuse us for a moment?" The agent nodded and stepped from the room. After the door closed, Kendric cleared his throat. "Ah, all things considered, it might be best if Major Mackenzie starts an inpatient treatment program immediately. It was an accident today, but by the looks of it, it might not be an accident tomorrow, especially if she is allowing someone to hurt her or is causing the bruising herself." He eyed both officers carefully before continuing. "We can treat both the substance abuse and psychological issues. The program requires an extended hospital stay. One of you will have to sign her in," he remarked flatly.

Both Rabb and Chedwiggen were silent for a moment as they contemplated the doctor's suggestion. The doctor looked from one to the other waiting for a response until finally one of them finally spoke.

"How long of stay?" Harm questioned as he mulled over the notion. He was still stunned by the thought that Mac was intentionally doing this to herself. _This isn't the person that I've worked with the past three years. Not my Mac, _he argued silently.

"Minimum is a week," the doctor said. "She could return to light-duty after ten, fifteen days…."

"I'll do it," the Admiral interrupted. He looked over at Rabb and could sense an argument coming. "It's better this way Commander. She can concentrate on getting well with no distractions."

Rabb held his tongue. He knew the Admiral was right …and he knew Mac wasn't going to be happy about it. _When did things get so out of control? Six weeks ago she seemed fine …. was she just hiding it from me? _His mind raced as he tried to comprehend everything that had happened since he kicked in Mac's apartment door. None of it was making sense and it probably wouldn't until he heard it from Mac directly.

"Can I see her?" Harm asked the doctor. "I won't say a word about…" he waved his hand around looking for the right word. "This," he finally blurted out.

"Yes. We moved her to curtain four," the doctor replied. "Admiral, if you'll come with me to get the paperwork started," he said directing Chedwiggen to follow him.

She stared at the IV tubing taped to her arm and the white sheet she was laying on. Her eyes trailed to the wall on her right, the plainness of it. Void of color, just a stark white canvas. Her memory of what happened to bring her to this place was equally as void. What little she could remember didn't fit into the puzzle, images of a fall in the bathroom and her sitting on the side of the tub staring at the blood on her hand. It did nothing to aid in her understanding of how she ended up here. That was all a blur.

She closed her eyes and drifted into a fitful sleep. The sounds of the hospital around her, the intermittent beeping of her monitors, voices both familiar and strange and footsteps outside her curtain all meshed in her mind and developed into a bizarre dream of sorts. As she toed the line between reality and fantasy she heard quiet footsteps enter her domain and felt a warm hand touch her skin. She opened her eyes expecting to see the doctor or another nurse, yet instead had an unexpected surprise.

"Harm?" she whispered as her eyes focused in on him.

"Hey Mac," he replied. He cupped her face in his hand and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. His eyes trailed down her arm to the bruises that covered them. "You feeling better?" he finally said.

"I guess," she answered holding on to his arm. "How…how did you get here?" she asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Your neighbor, Kate," he smiled weakly. "She hunted me down and clued me in," he chuckled.

"She works for the Secret Service," Mac replied smiling at the thought that someone could outwit him.

"Well, she's damn good at her job," he said still laughing. "You're lucky to have her as your friend and a neighbor."

"I slept at your apartment last night," Mac said changing the subject. Obviously, he wasn't here for just a social call. Maybe he just came because Kate asked him too ... or maybe he talked to Harriet and Bud ...the office gossip mongers. In any event, her goal was to try to minimize whatever scuttlebutt he had heard. _I'm not out sleeping anywhere, _she thought. _I'm selective on where I spend the night. _

"I know."

"How?" she asked with a confused expression on her face. _Did you find the bottle? I thought I had it hid pretty well, she_ thought as she searched his eyes for an answer.

"You never were very good at making the bed," he chuckled. "And I could smell your perfume on my pillow." He paused a moment to gather his thoughts. "I um…kicked the door in at your place. I'll pay to have it replaced."

"You kicked in my door?" she muttered not meaning to say it aloud.

"You gave me quite a scare, Mac."

_He thinks I did it on purpose, just like the doctor did, _she thought quickly as her mind scrambled to come up with a defense. "It was an _accident _Harm," she said defensively. "I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I slipped on some spilled water."

"Mac… I'm not talking about what happened this morning," Harm said evenly. "When Kate told me that you've been drinking….," he paused and picked up her hand. "I'm sorry that I didn't understand that you were reaching out to me before I left."

_Was I reaching out? _she thought quickly as she looked up at his eyes. Her mind flashed back to the discussion they had when he told her he requested the designator change. _I tried to tell him then that it would crush me if he left…no, I didn't I covered it up because I didn't want to sound like I was weak, _Mac thought as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. They cascaded down her checks before she could do anything to stop them. "I'm sorry, there I go, crying like a baby again," Mac burbled.

"Hey," Harm whispered squeezing her hand. "It's okay …"

"If you tell me that stress has to release itself somehow, I'm going to jack you fly boy," Mac said half crying half laughing. She wiped the tears from her face with her other hand.

"Okay, I won't say it," Harm assured her. He squeezed her hand. He didn't know what to say, so he was quiet.

The silence was golden for Mac as she didn't know what to say either. She looked at his face and knew deep inside he wanted to know why. The only problem was she didn't have an answer...not a good one anyway. "I ….I don't know what to say," she finally whispered.

The expression on his face told her he was about to say something, but she beat him to the punch. Mac felt she needed to ... needed to justify what had brought her to this moment. "No, Harm listen, it started months ago, after Dalton was murdered and that freak kidnapped me. I told everyone that I stopped cold turkey and then I told myself that I was in control," her voice trailed off. "But I wasn't and then after my Article 32 hearing and my father's death and Chloe left and then you…..." Her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes as more tears rolled down her face. "I just got numb to it all….all the loss."

Harm shifted his weight on his feet. "Mac I didn't leave you," he said quietly. "I never said good-bye and I never stopped caring about you," he added. "I left JAG, but not our friendship."

Mac bit her lip and nodded slightly. "Yeah, the level-headed Sarah Mackenzie knows that," she whispered. "Just not the broken person inside."

He laced his fingers tightly around hers. "I'm not giving up on that broken person, Mac," he told her softly. "It's just going to take time to fix." He reached over and wiped a tear off her cheek. "You're not a lost cause Mac. I believe in the impossible. If the doctor's can fix my eyes...getting you squared away should be a piece of cake," he said giving her a signature smile.

"Funny," Mac laughed and then grimaced in pain. "Don't make me laugh Harm, my chest hurts," she muttered placing a hand on her chest.

"You're beautiful when you laugh," he said locking his gaze on her.

"I don't have a lot to laugh about these days," Mac said biting her lip. She held his gaze and then looked away when she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.

"It's going to get better," he whispered. "And you don't have to do it alone. There are a lot of people routing for you. I could make a list in case you've forgotten."

The sound of a man clearing his throat caught both the Commander and the Major's attention. They both looked up to find Admiral Chedwiggen standing just inside the curtain.

"Admiral," both Mackenzie and Rabb said at the same item.

"Commander if you'll excuse us," the Admiral said, without beating around the bush. "I have some things to discuss with the Major. And I'll um …. remind her of who is in the cheering section."

Commander Rabb wandered down the corridor to the waiting area on autopilot His mind was scrambling to make sense of everything Mac had said, what she didn't say and the bruises on her arms. _She's really broken, _he surmised sitting down on a chair. _Why was I so blind that I didn't see it? _He knew the answer without even acknowledging it. _So caught up in my own l world, I ended up shutting out those who needed me. _He sighed heavily and leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

After several minutes had passed, Rabb sat back in the chair and watched the medical personnel scurry about in the emergency room. Lost in his recollections of the past few months, he reviewed the events mentally trying to figure out when he could have noticed Mac slipping away. As he stared blankly into space, a pretty brunette appeared in his line of sight moving toward him. _Wow, that woman's hot, _he thought blinking to narrow his focus. _Oh, it's Kate, _he concluded once he recognized her. _She's still hot, _he thought collecting himself as she approached.

"Hey!" Kate greeted him. "How ya doing?"

"Well, I've had better days," Rabb replied sighing. "I certainly didn't expect this day to turn out like this. I thought I was just going to come up here and talk to Mac," he rambled trying to make sense of it all.

"Harm, it was an accident," Kate remarked putting her hand on his arm. "NCIS ruled out a suicide attempt."

"For today," he said. "What about everything she's been doing up until this point? What if today hadn't happened?"

"Harm, you can't keep focusing on the what if's?" Kate countered. "Maybe if anyone is to blame it's me? Why did I wait two weeks to track you down? Why didn't I report her to the Admiral weeks ago?"

Harm looked over at her and smiles. "You're right Kate," he remarked putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "I never had a chance to thank you," he mumbled into her hair.

"Thank me for what?"

Harm sat back and looked into her eyes, holding her gaze for a moment. He knew he didn't need to say anything because he could see the confirmation in her eyes. "For letting me drive," he finally said with a smirk.

Kate pulled back from him and started to laugh. "I wouldn't have had it any other way, Commander," she choked out between giggles.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A month later – Mac's first day back to work.

"Stop fidgeting Mac," Harm scolded her as they rode in the elevator. "You've done this every day for the past three years."

"Today just feels different," she replied pulling at the sleeve of her uniform again. She glanced over at him and sighed. "You didn't have to come with me today, you know. Don't you have some mission to fly?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not here just to hold your hand," Harm replied matter-o-factly. "I'm TAD to JAG for the next seventy two hours per Admiral Chedwiggen." He glanced over at her and winked. "Official business. It's classified." The Admiral _had_ requested him to work on a special project for him, which, coincidently, put him back in the JAG office at the same time Mac came back to work. Harm was suspicious of the Admiral's request, but ultimately he wanted to be with Mac today. It gave him closure to the whole saga of the past month.

"Yeah, yeah… whatever," Mac replied with a smirk. It wasn't like she could challenge him on it. Mac didn't dare question the Admiral's reasons, but secretly she was glad Harm was with her today. He had supported her through all of treatment, sending her cards, calling and visiting when she needed a boost. He listened to her when she just needed to vent and never once did he judge her for her mistakes, never once did he get upset with her, even when she was ugly and mean to him. He was the constant in her life, her partner through it all.

Her other friends had been there for her during her treatment as well. She had used Stafford as a punching bag a couple of times. She had her share of good old-fashioned cries with Harriet and Kate and in turn, they made sure her room was always filled with flowers. The cheering section, the Admiral, Stafford, Bud, Tiner, Harm and even Admiral Morris, had repaired her apartment …fixed her door, the bathroom wall, replaced the tub, and even gave the space a much needed fresh coat of pain.

The elevator doors opened and the two officers stepped out. They walked down the hallway in silence until they reached the corner by the bullpen. Mac stopped and took a deep breath. She looked down, noticed her hands shaking, and silently berated herself for it.

Harm turned and looked at his friend. "You okay Mac?" he asked her out of concern.

She looked him dead in the eye and tried to blink away a tear. "I don't want to be treated with kid gloves," she whispered to him. She reached up and caught the tear before it ran down her face.

Harm carefully chose his response from the thousands that came to mind. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Don't worry Marine; remember a SEAL runs this operation." He gave her a second to compose herself. "Are you with me?" he prodded when he thought it was time to go.

"To hell and back, fly boy," she answered. She let go of his hand and walked into the bullpen to face her future on her own.

-0-


End file.
